Mega Update

Recap

The anniversary of my tearing my ACL was June 4. I can't believe that it's already been a year. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was in the dojang on a hot June afternoon (hot June - huh, with all the rain we've had in the Northeast, you'd still think it was spring) working on the 360 roundhouse kick when I landed improperly and heard that fateful snap.

Looking back on all that has happened, I'm surprised and quite pleased I've come this far. From doing the initial physical therapy to get my quad muscles back prior to my surgery, to reengaging in PT a week after my surgery, I didn't think I could come back as strongly. With the support of my family (tough love) and friends, I endured four long months of PT, survived the icy streets of Boston without hurting myself (knock on wood that it never happens), and got back to a level where I could start working hard in TKD again. Without a positive environment, I don't think I could have kept going, especially with how difficult life sometimes got.

If it hadn't been for one of my close school friends, I would never have gone to the hospital the night that I hurt myself. That would have been quite the problem; while I do recall limping back to my apartment after leaving TKD, I also remember I could not stand up a few hours after being sedentary. Thank goodness for friends more stubborn that I. :)

TKD Update

My school held its Black Belt Rank Ceremony on June 13. Grandmaster Kim chose to hold it on this day to commemorate General Choi's blessing for his choice to open up a school in Boston, and to celebrate the 35 years the school has been a fixture next to Fenway Park. He gave a fantastic speech after the belt-tying to over 50 students (all crammed into dojang 1), and definitely motivated me to work harder at TKD. In addition to receiving new black belts, we received an addition to our uniform. (At my school, as you advance a rank as a black belt, your uniform evolves along with your advancement.) 4th dans were asked to remove the tape along the black stripe on their pants; 2nd dans were asked to put on their new tops.

The 4th dans received their belts first, since they had to help tie on the rest of the ranks' belts, along with our Grandmaster. Then 3rd degrees; then 2nd degrees (1st degrees had their own ceremony). We were arranged by rank by alphabetical order, so I was at the very end. I remember waiting for a good 10-15 minutes in my line, standing as still as possible (while the kids tried hard not to scratch their ears and jump around). Luckily, Mr. Kim ended up tying my belt; while I don't associate blessings with having the grandmaster tie a belt, it sure did feel good to have him do that honor. Now I've got to practice hard to get back to pre-ACL tear level.

On another note, I substitute-taught a kid's class and half of an adult's class this past Sunday. It was a new experience for me, one that I was reluctant to partake in, partly because I feared not remembering the names of techniques and partly because I'm out of practice. I'm a very good helper one-on-one, but having a formal class bow at me and listen to my instructions is very strange, especially since I'm so inexperienced in teaching. I do want to get better so that I can be a good example for lower ranking students, but at this point, it just won't fit into my schedule.

The Knee

Since even before my 2nd dan test, I had been going to the dojang and practicing forms each Sunday. My knee complained a bit in the beginning, but I fought those complaints by taking it easy - performing at 70% rather than 100%. I'd been wearing my brace to practice since early February, per advice by my surgeon. By my 10-month post-op appointment in May, my doctor told me that I didn't have to wear it any longer. In my head, I whooped for joy, but then caution told me I should remove it only when I feel comfortable enough to do so. That day came after my test; I decided to feel out the knee in practicing forms. Turns out my knee is stable enough; jumping and snapping techniques are still iffy, but I don't have to rely on the brace any longer.

I still have some minor swelling in my knee, which is a result of excess scar tissue (or so my doctor tells me). I also still do not have feeling below my kneecap, an effect that will decrease with time but will never fully disappear. My doctor informed me that they had to disrupt some nerve connections in order to get into the site of the ACL. The size of the area of numbness is decreasing, but it's still odd not to be able to feel my razor go over my knee area when I'm shaving . . .

I have yet to try out other sports with my knee in the condition it is. I have been running and lifting (when I have time), and those activities haven't given me any trouble as of late. Here's hoping to an active summer!

2nd Dan

I apologize to everyone who asked about how I did on the test and whether or not I got my next rank - I've been busy with finals and events for the semester end.

So good news - I passed the test and am now a second degree black belt in taekwondo! The rank ceremony is on June 13, so I technically am still a first degree until then. I already picked up my new uniform (with the new stripe on the upper portion), and my new belt is being ordered.

The test went really well - there were six groups of us testing: four groups of adults and two groups of kids. For the 35th anniversary of my school, my grandmaster only required us to demonstrate the forms, or poomse, of our rank (for anyone testing for 2nd degree to 4th degree). We had to demonstrate them well in order to pass, of course. I tested in the first group, and after we had gone through all three forms, my grandmaster told all the black belts on the floor that he wanted my group to go first because we had the crispest techniques. It was such a great honor to hear that! Now all the others know who to go to for forms advice.

I'm in the process of learning the 2nd degree forms. I've got Choong-jang down, and I'm onto Kodang. It's tough, but my knee's been holding up well. I have another doctor's appointment coming up soon, so we'll see!

I hope everyone is doing well themselves. I've got a busy summer ahead!

Testing.

I'm testing for my second dan black belt tomorrow. I can't believe the date came so quickly.

I'm SO ready.

Back to the dojang.

I finally got my knee brace about two weeks after the February entry. It fits perfectly and while I've read a lot of material that's discussed how the post-op knee brace doesn't necessarily protect my knee from ACL reinjury, it still feels more appropriate for me to wear it for now. My surgeon told me that I should wear it until I feel comfortable working out/playing sports without it, which could take a long time (A year? Two years? Don't know . . .). It's a pretty lightweight brace - weighs about a pound and has been set to prevent my knee from hyperextending. I initially had to get used to activity with the brace on; six weeks later, the only thing I'm still not used to is being able to stretch my leg all the way.

I've been working with Cindy and Francis every Sunday for two hours on forms, from white belt to first degree black belt. Cindy has been an amazing help, pointing out the (millions of) areas for improvement. Granted, Francis and I have had to work on basics at this point to make sure our performance of the forms looks much better, but we now understand why each technique is executed the way it is.

During Wednesday forms classes, I'm able to take my learning from Cindy (who learns directly from JHK) to the other black belts. It's great to see someone's improvement over a period of time, especially when you know that you've helped them on that road to being better. Some of the black belts I've been in class with now know the nuances that Cindy first made me aware of, since I've been there to offer constructive criticism. It's times like these when I want to keep working towards at least third degree. Who knows if I can get there with my knee the way it is . . .

I'm looking forward to the test, even if it gives me butterflies in my stomach. I've been working hard for this and I know that I will do well when the time comes.

Just do it.

Nike's motto. I <3 that motto.

I had a six-month appointment with my surgeon today. Graft feels great, leg is strong, need to continue with weight training and cutting and pivoting exercises. I'll be getting fitted for a brace some time this week. I'm basically allowed to start doing sports again, but I have to listen to my body and not try to go above and beyond (which is hard, because I put 110% into everything I do).

Apparently, I'm eligible to obtain my second degree black belt sooner than I expected. I got my first degree in October 2007, and it's been about a year and a half since then (minus the 9 months that I've been out of commission). My Grandmaster wants the first degree black belts that he feels are prepared for the black belt seminars to train with him. By the end of the seminar sessions, if we've met/exceeded his expectations, we are granted our second degree.

The problem with this is that I've been out of practice for 9 months. I have little control in my left leg in terms of kicking techniques, and I'm out of shape in general.

So now what?

Once I get fitted for my brace, I'm going to jump back into the game. I need to get back on the horse and go for it. There's no way I'm passing up this opportunity, especially because I can finally move ahead in my training. I can get past that mental block.

In other news, I had been registered for 6 classes this semester (yes, 6 . . . at the graduate business school level . . .). I finally made the decision to drop one and just pick up an extra class in the summer because I couldn't deal with the workload. Now I'm taking 5 and working 4 jobs (yes, 4 jobs . . . UPS, the Registrar's Office, undergraduate accounting grader, and undergraduate organizational behavior writing tutor). I've been losing sleep because of the amount of coursework I'm expected to get done for each class, trying to balance working, and maintain my health. This decision might have repercussions later, but for now, my mental health ranks pretty high on my priorities.

I've stopped counting.

I think I've hit the five or six month mark (24 weeks by January 7). There's been improvement in my knee (such as being able to climb stairs without wincing at the end of the day), but I think that my lack of physical therapy (and physical ANYTHING in general) is causing a minor setback. I was supposed to get fitted for a knee brace (the kind that provide a security blanket for you when working out) in mid-December, but my health insurance stopped covering me for that month. So, I moved all my appointments to January, but if my union screws me again and I end up not having health insurance, then I have to wait until February to start do cutting and pivoting exercises. What's worse is that I'd been so busy during the holidays that I didn't make time to work out. I think I've started to lose muscle mass again in my quad and that does not make for good further ACL recovery.

And there's still the swelling in my knee. My surgeon told me that it goes away after 9 months, but I'd love to see it go away now. I'm tired of the feeling of needing to crack my knee, the random popping noises, etc. I know that it's normal (for now), but I can't help feeling frustrated. I suppose it's normal when you can't do much about the stuff going on underneath the skin.

I've decided to get back into shape again (since I let myself go pretty badly this semester - full-time MBA program + working 2 jobs does not make for a good schedule to work out). My friend Melissa and I have made a pact to go to the gym together at least twice a week this month to get back into the swing of things, and eventually going five times a week once we are in shape. Workout buddies are great - it's much easier to motivate myself to go work out when you know you can't keep someone waiting.

These past two weeks I've just been doing calisthenics to get some physical activity into my day. I've maintained my knee exercises and stretching, and added pushups, situps, back extensions, and good mornings (all without weights). My surgeon has told me that I can do straight-line running, so that's next on the agenda when Mel and I begin our gym sessions next week. I've already seen improvement in my energy levels and mood, and I can't wait to keep this going.

Here's to a better year, and to a full recovery! For all those people out there who've torn their ACLs, I wish you luck in your surgery and recovery processes.

Happy (belated) new year!

Week 18. 4.5 months post-op.

The only times I think about my knee now are when I've been sitting down for 3 hours without a break during class and suddenly have to stand up (there's that feeling of instability when I first stand up); when I climb the stairs at the end of the day to my apartment and my knee just doesn't want to cooperate; and after I've been standing for 2 hours at my night job and my knee locks up.

I love that I can sit Indian-style again. I love that I can walk normally again.

My PT sessions have been cut short by my insurance company. I've been doing my exercises on my own at the gym anyway, which is helping to add muscle to my quad. In January I can get fitted for a brace for my knee to start doing cutting and pivoting exercises.

I also learned that I have patellar tendonitis (aka jumper's knee). My PT said that it was common in a lot of women recovering from ACL surgery since the kneecap moves around so much afterward. She also said that it will eventually disappear, as long as I keep rolling out my IT band and doing my stretches after my exercises.

This whole knee business has been a long trial for me. It's been a blessing in disguise, since I probably wouldn't have slowed my life down, which would have left me hitting a wall much harder than I did back in June. I've learned the nuances of dealing with hospital billing, insurance billing, and referrals. I've come to understand the rules my union stipulates about health insurance coverage, and I've learned to deal with various kinds of people.

I discovered that I only lose insurance coverage for a month (December). I could either choose to pay the $1,009 to maintain my health benefits under COBRA, or I could just wait it out and not incur any charges til January when I get reinstated. I chose the latter decision - as long as I don't get sick or hurt or need a doctor's appointment, I should be scot-free. However, the challenge is maintaining my health for 31 days . . . I think I can do it. :)

Every time I hear about someone else's knee pain, I have knee sympathy. I no longer feel invincible anymore - I knew that would come in time, but I never expected it this early in life.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving holiday!

Week 14

I'm starting to lose track of the weeks at this point, which is a good thing, seeing as how I'm thinking less and less about my knee.

I had my three-month post-op check in with my doctor on Monday. He gave me the green light to run on the treadmill for now (until my knee doesn't feel sore from the impact, in which I can move onto concrete). I have another appointment with him in two months, just after Christmas.

My physical therapy routine has been pretty much static since I could start doing leg extensions. I did end up moving with my therapist to a new location (at NU). The only thing really different I'm doing now is jogging:

- heat on the knee: 10 min
- walk/jog on treadmill: 15 min
- leg press (two legs): 3 x 15 x 10th weight plate (193lb)
- leg press (one leg): 3 x 10 x 6th weight plate (93 lb)
- step ups on balancing disk: 3 x 15 x 8"
- lateral step downs: 3 x 15
- frontal step downs: 3 x 15
- squats on Bosu ball: 3 x 15
- squats: 3 x 15
- lunges: 5 x 10 (across the PT room)
- roll out IT band
- ice and stim: 15 min

My leg is definitely getting better every day. I have little trouble going up and down stairs at this point. The clicking is going away, especially since the swelling is going down. The only time I feel some pain is at the end of the day (usually after UPS), when I'm going up the stairs to my apartment, and that's because I'd been standing for two hours.

I'm hoping I can get some running in soon. I want to get on improving my cardio before I go back to TKD, and to get into shape again. I recall my doctor telling me that I'll be fitted for a brace by December to start doing cutting and pivoting movements, which is fantastic. I'm so excited for that!

I'm so glad I've been keeping up with exercising and whatnot. There are so many stories I've heard of people not staying with their rehab routines, and then they end up reinjuring themselves. I want to have my knee for the long term, even if it's a bit . . . replaced.

Week 11

Last Tuesday was the 11th week of post-op, and my leg is getting so much better.

When I wake up in the mornings, the knee is not as stiff. The swelling has gone WAY down and my range of movement is closer to normal. I only have soreness after walking for long periods of time, and leaving it in a bent position for too long and getting up immediately afterward leaves some soreness as well.

My PT session this past Thursday was the toughest yet. I woke up Friday morning feeling sore from muscle usage (which was nice since I hadn't really felt that in a long time).

The session:

- heat: 10 min
- massage: 5 min
- elliptical with resistance: 10 min
- squats: 3 x 15
- step ups at 8" with balancing disk: 3 x 15
- lateral step downs at 8": 3 x 15
- frontal step downs at 8": 3 x 15
- leg extensions: 3 x 15 x 1st weight plate
- leg press: 3 x 15 x 9th weight plate
- single-legged leg press: 3 x 15 x 5th weight plate
- single-legged squats on balancing disk: 3 x 8
- mini lunges: 3 x 15
- straight leg raise: 3 x 15 x 6lb
- hamstring curl: 3 x 15 x 2 lb
- IT band roll-out: 3 x 30 sec
- stretching
- Game Ready icing: 10 min

I felt the burn by the leg presses - those were the toughest. My muscles are definitely getting stronger; I can feel it when I walk now and I'm almost at the point where I can run. I am going to start doing calisthenics at home to keep myself in shape, since I rarely have time to make the hours at the gym. Working in the mornings before/after class and working nights is taking a toll on me now, and school is only getting tougher. So, it's back to the grind and the challenges that lay ahead.

Wish me luck!

Week 10

The limp's been gone for weeks. I barely struggle with going up and down stairs. I can carry a 25-lb book bag. I can drive my standard shift car with very little soreness. I can sit Indian-style. I can bring my knee up to my chin when I'm sitting. The swelling is almost gone and I have about 130 degrees of flexion.

This is progress. This makes me happy that I've come so far, and it hasn't even been three months yet.

I'll be going back to UPS on Monday night. I don't look forward to it, but I need to keep my health insurance somehow. I have to speak to my shop steward about the union terms of my insurance. I owe $200 in union dues for June through September, and god only knows how much I owe for insurance. I think I've accepted this insurance fate - expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised when something really good happens!

My routine at physical therapy has generally been the same these past two weeks:

- heat: 10 min
- massage: 5 min
- elliptical: 10 min
- squats: 3 x 15
- step ups: 3 x 15
- lateral step downs: 3 x 15
- frontal step downs: 3 x 15
- leg extensions: 3 x 15 x 1st weight plate
- leg press: 3 x 15 x 8th weight plate + 1/2 weight
- single-leg leg press: 3 x 15 x 4th weight plate + 1/2 weight
- mini-lunges: 3 x 15
- straight leg lifts: 3 x 15 x 5lb
- balancing on disk w/ playing catch: 3 x 30 second intervals
- stretching (hamstring, quad)
- ice w/ stim: 15 min

The weights in my exercises are going up, which is nice. It gives me a challenge and I am feeling the burn now the next day. I'm walking a hell of a lot more, too - at least 2 or 3 miles a day to and from school. My leg doesn't consume my thoughts anymore - I only think about it about 50% of the time now instead of 90%. Now I can't wait to start jumping and doing other sports. I don't feel as frustrated doing my exercises either, since I know I can start pushing myself more.

I know I should probably go to the gym more, given my love for working out/sports and using sports as a stress reliever, but school exhausts me. I just gotta keep pushing myself.

I started doing forms again a few days ago as well, and found that I can't do some of my lower level forms due to my lack of practice. I gotta get back into that, too, so I can get working on my second degree again. I can only push myself so far . . .